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The Rainbow of Hope

I must be unlovable or they would have fed me

I wasn’t enough to make them stop fighting

To throw the drugs and drink away

To keep me safe

I must be unloveable or they would have fed me

Got up in the night

Been available in the morning

Stopped screaming and swearing at me

I must be a disappointment or they would have claimed me

I would have been their special boy forever

I am definitely a failure

I couldn’t make them love me enough

I’m scared to try anything new just in case I fail and you see how bad I am

I can’t cope with success as I don’t deserve it, it doesn’t fit

Success and me are like green and yellow, they just don’t go together

Praise is an insult to the truth about me. I’m nothing, a no one, just bad

This is why I lie to you, I can’t let you see the truth about me

I can’t risk further rejection in your eyes

An end to yet another risky relationship just to stay alive

To have move again, be excluded, starved or hurt

Julie said she understands why I feel this way but she sees me differently

Julie says it’s ok to be different to other kids

Sunshine and rain are different but between them they create a rainbow

Julie is helping me to believe in the rainbow

Maybe Julie IS my rainbow...

© Sarah Dillon, NATP Committee Member.

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