I must be unlovable or they would have fed me
I wasn’t enough to make them stop fighting
To throw the drugs and drink away
To keep me safe
I must be unloveable or they would have fed me
Got up in the night
Been available in the morning
Stopped screaming and swearing at me
I must be a disappointment or they would have claimed me
I would have been their special boy forever
I am definitely a failure
I couldn’t make them love me enough
I’m scared to try anything new just in case I fail and you see how bad I am
I can’t cope with success as I don’t deserve it, it doesn’t fit
Success and me are like green and yellow, they just don’t go together
Praise is an insult to the truth about me. I’m nothing, a no one, just bad
This is why I lie to you, I can’t let you see the truth about me
I can’t risk further rejection in your eyes
An end to yet another risky relationship just to stay alive
To have move again, be excluded, starved or hurt
Julie said she understands why I feel this way but she sees me differently
Julie says it’s ok to be different to other kids
Sunshine and rain are different but between them they create a rainbow
Julie is helping me to believe in the rainbow
Maybe Julie IS my rainbow...
© Sarah Dillon, NATP Committee Member.
