Learning to Trust by Heidi Davy

“Teddy stop it!!”

“Teddy STOP shouting!!”

This is what I hear most days, normally directed at myself. Today directed at Teddy, Teddy being the family dog, Teddy being the target of my daughter’s uncomfortable feelings.

I listen, feeling helpless as I fold the washing, the only way for her to rid herself daily of these wobbly/uncomfortable feelings is to take it out on myself, the dog or anyone else who happens to be in the firing line. As the spark of agitation burns bright, brighter, like a firework, a Catherine Wheel, as it starts to spin uncontrollably, until eventually it fizzles out. All that is left is black burnout embers, much like my daughter’s mood, no energy, can no longer function anymore, feeling sleepy, much like the Catherine Wheel, she has burnt herself out, no more fuel left to turn.

The wobbly/uncomfortable feelings today were the result of waiting for a friend to turn-up, I can relate, for years I had the same feelings, learning to trust, trust that the other person is true to their word. This is so difficult for a child from trauma, having been let down so many times in the past, why would this time be any different?

After years of practice. I have learnt to switch off in these moments, well most of the time, we are all human after all, we all have hard days, I put on my invisible coat, look into my TP Tool-box and wait for the storm to pass. I have trained myself to talk less, say what I need & leave it there.

Her beautiful blue eyes, look sunken, dark, exhausted, like a never-ending well.

“I think you need a hug darling,” I say softly.

“You don’t understand mum, you just DON’T get it!!” she shouts, sobbing.

“I wish I had all the answers Sweetheart, I really do, life would be so much easier, so for now we can sit here quietly together & work out a solution,” I reply calmly.

“I love you mum,” says my daughter, relived, knowing I have heard her feelings, she feels safe.

The door-bell rings…