From the perspective of someone who has been in care, adopted and therapeutically re-parented
– By Rosie Jefferies
I recently came across this picture that had a quote saying, “the kids who need the most love ask for it in the most unloving of ways” for me this summed everything up about my childhood. When I think back at all the times that I was at my angriest I would do and say awful things, I wanted to push away the people who were close to me or anyone that was trying to help me. After a while, people didn’t enjoy being around me because I was this angry, unpleasant person and they never knew when I would have erupted with anger. A lot of people described that being around me was like walking on eggshells. A lot of family, friends and even school withdrew from me as I was so angry, they did not know how to cope. The one person that did not withdraw and actually drew closer was my mum, the more I pushed the more she would show her love, at the time I did not know this was what I was seeking but looking back I can remember how sad I was, I could not explain how I felt and could not make sense of my emotions, I only understood how to be angry. Because being angry meant that I did not let people in…I was scared.
Being therapeutically re-parented helped me to understand my emotions, making sense of things like sadness, that it wasn’t wrong to feel sad and what I had to do when I felt like this. As time went on I realised why I felt so sad, this was because I had felt a lot of guilt about my early childhood and had loads of unanswered questions that I had bottled up inside me for years which created this angry persona that I would show on the outside. I felt that showing my emotions meant letting people in and made me feel weak. By all of the hard work that my Mum put in with me and therapeutically re-parenting me she taught me to self-regulate and understand my emotions. I was able to start looking into my past and I now have answers to some of my unanswered questions. I know there are some questions I will never get answers to, but I am fine with that and have come to terms with it. I no longer feel the guilt and have dealt with my sadness with the help of my Mum. Therapeutic parenting has helped me to become a much stronger person and has taught me that I don’t have to be angry to be a strong person, letting people in is good and has definitely made me much happier. When I feel sad, angry or anxious I now know how to deal with these emotions, I can now ask for help without erupting with anger.
Therapeutic Parenting is a high nurture parenting that helps children feel safe! They can start relaxing enough to begin to heal, make sense of their emotions and build healthy attachments! I believe if I hadn’t received this kind of parenting I would still be a very angry person, I probably wouldn’t be able to hold down a job and would not be able to be in a long term, happy relationship, mine and Mums relationship would not have been able to survive. I now have the strongest relationship I have ever had with my mum; I have been in a long-term relationship and have recently got married. I am now able to work for Inspire Training Group as a co-trainer alongside my Mum to give Foster Parents and Adoptive Parents the skills to therapeutically re-parent and understanding to help them heal their traumatised children.