I am rude because I like the feeling of power and control it gives me, especially as I often feel very out of control on the inside.
I am rude because it gives me an outlet for all my pent up emotions that I struggle to identify.
I am rude because people in my past spoke to me or each other that way and I’m used to it.
I am rude because it gets me attention, even if it’s negative attention.
I am rude because I know it winds you up and I like to be in control of you so I don’t feel as scared.
I am rude because I’m tired, hungry, thirsty or just want a cuddle, but don’t realise I’m feeling these things.
I am rude because I’ve got heightened levels of cortisol in my body which pushes me into fight, flight or freeze.
I am rude because you’ve done something nice with me or for me and I want to remind you that I’m a bad kid. That’s because on the inside I’m filled with shame and have a negative internal working model. I don’t believe I deserve good/nice things so I sabotage everything.
I am rude because I want to ellicit the same response from you that I received in my previous/birth family. It feels comfortable when you behave in a way I expect even though it’s not good for me and just proves I’m right and that all adults are the same.
I am rude because you got too close and I’m scared of attachment I am rude to push you away and reject you before you reject me!
I am rude because I’m perceiving a threat where there is none, this is called faulty neuroception.
I am rude because I can’t think before I behave in a certain way or say the wrong thing. I have no internal inhibitors.
I am rude because my higher brain is underdeveloped and offline I am rude because that’s the label I’ve been given by everyone so I might as well live up to it.
Finally, I am mostly rude because I’m scared!
NB : I don’t actually know any of the above. You know it now so please help me to understand it too!
My behaviour is automatic, I’m not consciously aware of WHY I behave this way.
I communicate my distress via my behaviour.
Sarah Dillon © Head of Therapeutic Leads
National Association of Therapeutic Parents